A man from Northern Ireland is on a mission to help other grieving men after the death of his teenage son in a road collision six months ago. Eamonn Karran's 18-year-old son Noah passed away after a crash in Park, near Claudy, on September 12, 2024.
The 53-year-old said his son's sudden death brought "unbearable levels of grief", and said he was comforted by a support group founded by others facing similar losses. Now, Eamonn is launching a new group for grieving men to help share their grief in a safe space.
It is part of the wider Road Victim Support Northern Ireland-Donegal initative of volunteers who have been bereaved by road crashes, and are now helping others. This initative has other facets of support including counselling and peer support groups.
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Speaking to Belfast Live, Eamonn said men are often relied on to be the strong ones during times of loss, which can take its toll. He's hoping the new 'Men's Time to Talk' group will be able to help others while he continues to process his own grief.
"We lost Noah six months ago, so it is still very raw. From the start, I felt like I had to be the strong one, as the man, I felt as though I needed to be the pillar holding everybody else up," Eamonn explained.
"Initially, I didn't pick up the support on offer from the group because I was trying to be strong. But they were able to offer amazing support."
As for what sparked the need for the men's support group, Eamonn said: "In society, I think men generally don't talk and they don't let their emotions out. They're good at talking about football, politics, or music, but when someone asks them about mental health, it's almost as if they step back. It's not all men, but I find even myself I could have been like that.
"When we were chatting about setting up this group for men, it's not just for the fathers, it's the grandfathers, uncles, brothers, and even the friends. There's a ripple effect, I believe, whenever these things happen that not just the immediate family, but people around the family as well all suffer.
"I thought there was definitely a gap there to bring men together. We set up a WhatsApp group and we've been going back and forward chatting about different things, just asking how everybody else is, if they're having a bad day, just come on, have a chat.
"Although the group is in its infancy, it's something we can definitely build upon. We could maybe organise days out, events where we can all be together."
Eamonn said the group is helping him navigate his own grief, as many of the men have shared experiences they are able to discuss. He added: "I was amazed to find out the way I've been feeling over the past six months, the other men there were feeling exactly the same. One of the men there said to me he thought he was going mad, but I felt exactly the same.
"It's one of the most unberable levels of grief you'll ever experience in life, losing a child. We were all going through the same process, we all realised suddenly we weren't going mad, this is grief.
"There were simple little things like changing the carpet in the living room, and getting a new mat in - Noah had never walked on this new mat. I was thinking it was terrible, and other men said they had the exact same thoughts about changing things in the house, moving things about, maybe rearranging their bedroom.
"They were really reluctant to do these things because they felt like their child hadn't been there to experience these new things within the house. They're not mad thoughts - it's just horrible grief."
Debbie Mullan from Road Victim Support Northern Ireland-Donegal lost her 17-year-old son, Keelan, when he crashed into a tractor on a rural road near his family home in the village of Drumsurn in Co Derry on March 2, 2013. He was killed after his car struck black ice and he collided with a tractor and slurry tank.
Similar to Eamonn's son Noah, Keelan passed his driving test a few weeks before he died. Debbie said all their volunteers have been impacted by the loss of a loved one due to a road traffic collision, and are keen to help others navigate their loss.
She said: "We're coming from very much a lived experience ethos, all our committee and all our volunteers who have been trained are coming with that lived experience, that definitely makes the support services very unique. Unfortunately we've been there and we know the process and we know the rough road that lies ahead for every individual who has to try and navigate grief, especially traumatic grief in these situations.
"People have this idea that time is a healer and you will get over this grief. In actual fact you don't get over it, you learn to live a life with grief. It's like we have all had a life before our loss, and unfortunately we can't have that life back because our life has been changed forever. But we now have to learn to carry this grief and navigate through it and process it and find tools that will help us.
"The sooner you reach out, the sooner you will be supported. We don't do cold calling, we rely on word of mouth and people reaching out to us."
Road Victim Support Northern Ireland-Donegal are officially launching their new services with two events this week, one at the Greenvale Hotel in Cookstown on March 26 at 7pm, and at The Silver Tassie Hotel in Letterkenny on March 27 at 7pm. Members of the public are invited to come along to hear more about their services and support.
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