Black tax is part and parcel of Nigerian society, but what happens when a child decides enough is enough?
In this story, Jola* (27) shares how her overwhelming need to please her barely present father pushed her into a black tax cycle. In 2024, some revelations caused her to withdraw her financial support, leading to her dad disowning her.
As told to Boluwatife
I didn’t live with my dad growing up. My mum was his second wife, and he provided a separate apartment for her and her kids, while he lived with the first wife. As a result, I only saw him once or twice a month when he came visiting, and I idolised him.
You couldn’t convince 9-year-old me that my dad wasn’t a superhero. He always came visiting with sweets and ₦500 notes. Whenever I got the first position in school, he’d show up with a pineapple for me because I loved the fruit so much.
I thought my dad was the greatest man in the world. It wasn’t until I got into secondary school that I realised he wasn’t all that great.
I think my mum got tired of buying me things in my dad’s name and hearing me disturb everyone with “My daddy” up and down, so she started letting me see that my dad wasn’t as involved as I thought.
Despite his lucrative electronics business, my dad only took financial responsibility for our needs when he was on good terms with my mum. I knew that because my mum began regularly complaining about it. She was forced to provide for our needs and sometimes rent almost solely on the income she earned selling fabrics in the market.
Interestingly, learning about my dad’s flaws triggered a need to please him and be in his good graces. I knew he wasn’t as present as he should be, but I thought if I could be the perfect daughter, he’d want to fulfil his responsibilities and ultimately be the perfect father I wanted him to be.
Now, I understand my reasoning was flawed, and I didn’t have to “do things” to make my dad become a better father. But for the longest time, I thought I needed to prove myself worthy for my dad to change, and I tried to do that in several ways.
I focused on chasing good grades in secondary school and university because I wanted my dad to be proud of me. I remember taking my convocation gown and the ₦150k my faculty gave me for getting a first class to my dad’s house to take a picture with him. He didn’t even bother to attend my convocation. Yes, I gave him the money.
Money was one of the biggest tools I used to try to please my dad. I think it was stupidity because I don’t know why I fixated so much on making sure a man who never laboured over me reaped the fruits of his supposed labour.
My NYSC Place of Primary Assignment (PPA) was a law firm that paid me ₦150k/month in addition to my NYSC stipend. I didn’t even tell my mum how much my salary was, but I carried the whole first month’s salary and gave it to my dad so he’d pray for me. Subsequently, I sent him ₦40k monthly from my salary and only gave my mum ₦20k.
After my service year in 2022, I got a job close to my dad’s house, so I started living there to shorten my commute and save costs. By then, my dad was on his third wife — the first wife had left — and he had three more children under 11 years old. I thought it’d be great to finally spend time with my dad and become closer to my half-siblings.
It turned out to be a big mistake.
That same year, my dad got scammed out of about ₦10m and his business crashed. He told me how difficult things had gotten for him financially, and I foolishly told him not to worry, and that I’d try my best to support the home while he found his feet.
That’s how I became the breadwinner of that house. My job paid me ₦300k/month, and I put my dad on an ₦80k allowance. I also started pitching in for the home’s expenses. I was hardly home because of work, but my siblings always came to me for fuel money.
At least once in two weeks, my dad’s wife would come to me asking for ₦20k or ₦30k loans to cook for the house. I always gave her, and I never got my money back.
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In 2023, I got a raise at work and my salary increased to ₦400k. I told my dad, and it’s like I gave him the perfect excuse not to bother doing anything again. I still gave him ₦80k every month, but somehow, it was no longer enough. Every two weeks, he’d ask for money to do one thing or another, and I’d give him.
I wasn’t even sending money to my mum. Although to be fair, I have two immediate older siblings who are more well off than I am, and they give her money — my mum honestly lacks nothing now and I’m so glad about that. But still, I can’t believe I did all that for my dad.
Towards the end of 2023, he took a ₦2m loan from a microfinance bank to start a fish farming business. Within three months, the fish suddenly became sick and started dying, so we had to dry and sell them off at a loss. I ended up paying most of that loan back from my salary over eight months.
In January 2024, I paid almost ₦200k in school fees for my three half-siblings (the third wife’s children) because I grew tired of seeing them stay home due to unpaid school fees. My dad claimed he didn’t have money, and since he doesn’t allow his wife to work — she’s a burqa-wearing woman and is always indoors — the responsibility essentially fell on me.
I was also still dropping money for food in the house and even paying for the children’s medication when they fell sick.
My eyes cleared in June 2024 after a series of events unfolded.
My dad’s wife reported him to me, claiming that my dad had gotten another woman pregnant. I didn’t want to believe it, so I confronted him, and my dad confidently said his religion allowed him to marry up to four wives.
I was so shocked. Your daughter is playing breadwinner duties, and you’re adding more responsibilities to your plate? No one told me before I started withdrawing financial support.
I gradually stopped his allowance and began to claim I didn’t have money whenever he asked. Of course, he knew I was lying, and it led to fights between us. I eventually moved out of his house and returned to my mum’s in August.
On my birthday in December, my dad sent me a text saying, “Since you have chosen to disrespect God by ignoring your father, just take it that you don’t have a father anymore.”
Honestly, that hurt me, and I almost called to ask for his forgiveness and try to settle our issues, but I had to be strong.
I know getting back in good terms with my dad will only push me back into a black tax cycle, and that’s not sustainable for me. It’s better to be disowned than not have any sense of direction in my finances.
Between 2022 and 2024, it was like I was just working with nothing to show for it. I even had a stint with loan apps because my salary never lasted the whole month. I had zero savings and was practically living hand to mouth. It took me coming out of that situation to realise how terribly I was living.
I have not taken a single loan since August 2024. Between October 2024 and February 2025, I built a savings portfolio of ₦800k. I managed that while deliberately setting aside money to buy myself nice things and hang out with friends. There’s no way I could have done that if I still carried my dad’s responsibilities on my head.
My mates were saving their salaries to buy cars and rent apartments, while I was bending over backwards to make an unserious man happy. I’m just glad I’ve finally seen the light. Let him disown me, I don’t care.
From now on, I’m team, “Use Jola’s money to make her happy.” I’m my own responsibility.
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*Names have been changed for anonymity.
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