The science behind ‘the ick’: Why women are more prone to it and what it means for dating

Why women experience ‘the ick’ more than men

Neha Cadabam senior psychologist at Cadabams Mindtalk, mentions, “Women are often socialised to be more introspective about their feelings and relationships, which might make them more attuned to behaviours that could trigger the ick.”

She adds that research in Personality and Social Psychology Review highlights that women generally process emotional and relational cues more deeply than men, leading to a heightened sensitivity to subtle behaviours or dynamics that might seem off-putting.

Women also may be more prone to the ick due to evolutionary and biological factors linked to mate selection. “Historically, women faced higher stakes in choosing a partner due to pregnancy and child-rearing, making them more attuned to subtle signs of incompatibility. This response may act as an instinctual mechanism for rejecting unsuitable partners,” notes the psychologist. 

Biologically, higher oxytocin levels enhance emotional bonds, making disruptions more noticeable, and heightened sensory perception can lead to increased awareness of cues like body language and tone. These traits, according to evolutionary psychology, help women avoid mismatched partners and improve long-term relationship compatibility.

As a positive signal, it can help individuals spot red flags and trust their intuition to avoid incompatible relationships (Source: Freepik)

Link between ‘the ick’ and ‘brain rot’

‘Brain rot,’ named Oxford’s Word of the Year, refers to a state of mental fatigue or overconsumption of content that clouds thinking and leads to overanalysis. This phenomenon can directly contribute to ‘the ick’ by amplifying minor annoyances or behaviours in a partner.

Cadabam shares, “Overthinking can lead to a range of responses that contribute to the feeling of the ick in relationships. This often begins with hyperfocus on minor details, such as the way someone chews or their choice of shoes, amplifying these behaviours into major turn-offs. Idealised expectations, fuelled by constant exposure to perfect relationships in media and on social platforms, create unrealistic standards that can leave a partner’s shortcomings glaring and triggering aversion.” 

Cognitive biases further play a role, as overthinking leads to distortions like catastrophising or jumping to conclusions, exaggerating small imperfections. Additionally, mental fatigue can weaken emotional resilience, making it easier to become irritable or repelled by behaviours that would normally be overlooked.

Can ‘the ick’ be a healthy way of recognising red flags?

The ick can be both a helpful signal and a barrier, depending on how it’s interpreted. As a positive signal, it can help individuals spot red flags and trust their intuition to avoid incompatible relationships, notes Cadabam. However, it can also lead to overreacting to minor flaws or setting unrealistic standards, which may prevent healthy connections. 

“Balancing this requires reflecting on whether the behavior is a true red flag or just a minor quirk, fostering open communication, and practicing mindfulness to manage overthinking. Self-awareness and emotional regulation are essential to ensuring the ick serves as a constructive guide rather than a destructive force in relationships,” highlights Cadabam.