Grief is something all pastors will encounter, both in their own lives and in the lives of their congregation. It’s a part of the human experience, but knowing how to navigate it well—both personally and pastorally—is crucial. This article will explore how to understand grief, what to expect, and how you can be a source of support to those who are grieving, all from a biblical and neuroscience-informed perspective.
What Is Grief?
Grief is a natural response to loss, and it affects us emotionally, mentally, and physically. It’s not just about losing a loved one, though that’s often the most intense form of grief. People can grieve the loss of a job, a relationship, their health, or even the loss of a future they had hoped for. Grief is deeply personal, and it doesn’t follow a set timeline.
From a biblical standpoint, grief is acknowledged throughout Scripture. The shortest verse in the Bible, “Jesus wept” (John 11:35), captures the depth of grief. Jesus, knowing he would raise Lazarus, still wept, showing that grief is not something to be dismissed but is a valid expression of love and loss.
The Science Behind Grief
Grief can be overwhelming because it impacts our nervous system. When we experience a significant loss, our nervous system can become dysregulated, which is a fancy way of saying that our body and mind get thrown out of balance. This is why people often feel physically exhausted, mentally foggy, or emotionally numb after a loss.
The good news is that our brains are designed to heal. Just as our bodies recover from physical wounds, our brains can recover from the emotional wounds of grief. This is where understanding the role of the nervous system in grief can be helpful, especially when offering support to others.
Supporting Those Who Grieve
When someone is grieving, they often don’t know what they need, and that’s okay. Your role as a pastor is not to fix their grief but to be present with them in it. Here are some practical steps based on both biblical principles and neuroscientific understanding:
Create a Safe Space
Just as Jesus provided comfort and safety to those he ministered to, you can create a safe environment for those who are grieving. This could be as simple as being available, listening without judgment, and offering a steady presence.
Help Them Regulate
When people are grieving, their nervous system might be stuck in “fight or flight” mode, making it hard for them to think clearly. Encourage them to focus on their breathing or to sit in a quiet, comfortable space. Simple practices like these can help their nervous system to calm down, which in turn helps them process their grief.
Encourage Expression
Grief needs to be expressed, whether through talking, writing, or even crying. Encourage those who are grieving to share their feelings, and validate their emotions. Let them know that it’s okay to feel whatever they’re feeling—anger, sadness, confusion—and that these emotions are a natural part of the grieving process.
Guide Them to Jesus
As Christians, we know that true comfort comes from the Lord. Encourage those who are grieving to bring their pain to Jesus in prayer, reminding them of Scriptures that speak to God’s comfort, like Psalm 34:18: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
