I always believed that the biggest decision I would ever make in life would be getting married and having a child. I could change majors, transfer schools, even change careers — but marriage is the most life-altering choice I will ever make. I’ve always thought it most logical to think carefully, wait for the right person, not succumb to peer pressure and put my energy into an education and a career so that I could provide a financially stable life for myself and my children and not be financially dependent on anyone else. However, I soon found that Christian marriage culture was a bit different.
I was surprised the first time I attended a young adult group at a Protestant church and found that my line of belief was starkly different from theirs. As a 25-year-old woman, I was not only the oldest in the women’s group, but I was the only unmarried woman. Many couples I met were getting married within a year of meeting and having children almost immediately.
When I transferred to Biola, I found that this anomaly wasn’t limited to my church. I soon learned of the phenomena “ring by spring” — the term coined to refer to couples who got engaged by spring semester of their senior year. With the background I came from, I was overwhelmed by the notion of getting married at such a young age being normalized. It compelled me to find out not only why this was happening, but also the repercussions of it.
BIOLAN MARRIAGE CULTURE
In a survey I conducted of 59 Biola students, 100% of respondents knew what “ring by spring” was. When asked if this was prevalent at Biola, 52.5% said yes, 35.6% said sometimes, and 8.5% said rarely. It seems that a majority of Biolans have sensed the presence of “ring by spring” on Biola’s campus.
Chris Grace, a professor at Rosemead School of Psychology, has observed that the number of students who get married during undergraduate is much lower than perceived.
“In our years working with students, we’ve seen very few who approach relationships with the sole goal of getting engaged before graduation,” said Grace. “In fact, most Biola students don’t get married while still in school. A big reason why this stereotype persists is because of confirmation bias and illusory correlation — psychological tendencies where people focus on a few standout cases and assume they represent the whole.”
Grace also found that even though Christians do typically get married younger than secular populations, that pressure to do so is rare, especially among Biolans.
“Some students might feel pressure to marry quickly, but that’s not the majority experience that we see,” said Grace. “Our experience is that most Biola students take relationships seriously and are seeking to honor God in their dating and marriage decisions.”
“I think there’s a lot of pressure to get married, especially within the church, that has heavily influenced Biola dating culture,” said senior English major Hannah Cornwell. “I think a lot of students have an unhealthy view of marriage due to the church’s idolization of marriage. There’s so much pressure to find your spouse at a Christian university and there is a sense of failure if you don’t graduate with a ring.”
Students have also felt that amongst Christian groups, a willingness to wait patiently for marriage is perceived as an inability to commit oneself to a serious relationship. Senior English major Bridget Waelty has felt this intense pressure and believes that preparing oneself for lifelong commitment is a much longer process than commonly believed in Christian circles.
“With any calling, the process of discernment might take two to 10 years, but at Biola, if you’re lucky, you might have a red deadline of one or two years. Or, in my case, a couple of months,” said Waelty. “It sort of frustrates me to know that the moment an 18–21 year-old asks for time [to contemplate engagement], the culture pressures them to ‘figure it out’ as soon as possible.”
This general sense of peer pressure, especially on female Biolans, seems to be an unspoken, overwhelming feeling in Biola’s dating culture. My personal contention is that while the percentage of married undergraduates at Biola is not as high as one would think, that the image of those who are getting married during their undergraduate years is creating an immense pressure for younger students to find a lifelong partner at Biola.
MARRIAGE: A PRACTICAL PICTURE
With there being no “ring by spring” equivalent in secular circles, one might ask if there are consequences to the young and fast marriage mindset. Financial struggles, relationship issues and even divorce may come to mind when discussing young marriage.
From my experience in a Protestant young adult group as well as at Biola, I have also walked away with the notion that marriage was highly idolized within the Church. Of course, I believe that marriage should be regarded as sacred and with the utmost seriousness. However, it seems to be overly glorified amongst young adults who turn it into a race to the finish line rather than a sacred covenant with God. The decision to get married is not one to be taken lightly; I believe it takes several years of discernment and getting to know your potential lifelong partner before making such an intense commitment.
“Christians do in fact tend to marry at a younger age than the national norm,” said Grace. “There are several reasons for this, but one of the biggest factors is community and support. Christian couples often have strong family ties, a church community and mentors who model healthy marriages. Because of this foundation, they may enter marriage with more hope, confidence and security, rather than delaying it due to uncertainty or fear of failure.”
However, while strong family ties, community and mentors can help lay a great foundation for healthy relationships, not all Christians may have these things by default. In addition, not all secular people lack these resources, either.
“Guides and mentors at Biola have done a wonderful job at leading undergraduate couples to understand the obedience of young marriage, [but] I am yet to find a voice that considers these engagements as swift and imprudent,” said Waelty. “It seems that our elders are more eager to tell us about the benefits of marriage before painting the sanctifying death that it requires.”
Are young Christians getting an accurate picture of what marriage really is before jumping into an engagement? While marriage may seem fun and exciting, there is a type of “personal death” that comes along with it. Marriage asks us to give up an aspect of personal freedom and join someone in a lifelong, inseparable union. This isn’t necessarily negative, but the level of personal commitment it requires may not be something that young college undergraduates are ready to acknowledge or even fully understand.
“From a biblical standpoint, marriage is a God-honoring institution,” said Grace. “And when approached with wisdom, it can be a wonderful next step in a committed relationship. But the key isn’t as much how quickly a couple moves toward marriage, as it is how emotionally mature they are, how financially secure they are and how compatible they are in core areas, and whether they are truly prepared for the lifelong commitment it requires.”
WHAT SHOULD WE SEEK IN A MARRIAGE?
Grace pinpointed four aspects of a relationship that were needed to build a strong foundation for marriage: emotional maturity, financial security, compatibility and preparation for commitment. What does this look like logistically for young college graduates?
In my survey, I asked respondents to choose what they personally believed was the best age to get married. A majority (54.2%) said 20–25, while 44.1% said 25–30 and 1.7% said 18–20. The average age to get married in America is 28–30, with the California average being 34 (the Christian average is between 25 and 26). Given that most of these Biolans said ages 20–25 were most ideal, where are most young Christians realistically at that age?
When it comes to emotional maturity, it’s not uncommon knowledge that the prefrontal cortex, part of the frontal lobe of the brain and generally considered the “rational part” of the brain, is not fully developed until age 25. The prefrontal cortex is responsible for executive functioning such as emotional regulation, decision making, long-term planning, predicting consequences, problem-solving and more. While someone under 25 doesn’t necessarily lack these things, their executive functioning will drastically improve as they approach full development (this is why car insurance is much higher until you’re 25. Those under 25 are much more likely to get into car accidents).
How about financial security? According to the Pew Research Center, 44% of young adults received financial assistance from their parents in the last year. In contrast, only 16% of adults aged 20-24 were completely financially independent from their parents (in comparison with 44% of those aged 25–29). The number drastically jumps to 67% of adults being financially independent at age 30. So, hypothetically speaking, if a couple were to get married in the Biola-favored 20–25 range, 84% of them would most likely still be seeking financial help from their parents.
Now, financial security is not a necessity for a happy marriage. Couples could be struggling financially and still have a strong, God-honoring relationship. However, financial strain could put stress on a relationship, coupled with the fact that if someone can’t support themselves on their own, it will be difficult to support a partner and perhaps even a baby. Marriage often involves large financial decisions as well, such as funding a wedding and maybe even buying a home.
Compatibility and readiness for commitment are not quantitative aspects of marital preparedness that I can paint a neat little picture of. However, in my opinion, compatibility requires a high level of self-awareness and emotional maturity that may be risky or not fully complete in individuals under 25. Readiness for commitment requires that one has a full, realistic picture of a marriage — it isn’t just an opportunity to play house with your best friend.
A large concern is that a lack of readiness could inherently lead to relationship strain, separation, and divorce. Though Christians may have a different perception of marriage than secular groups, they may not necessarily be immune to divorce.
“One of the biggest myths is that the divorce rate for Christians is 50%. That’s simply not true,” said Grace. “The actual divorce rate is closer to 20–30% for first-time marriages, and for couples who practice faith together regularly — attending church, praying and studying Scripture — it drops to about 18%.”
According to the Pew Research Center, between 2023–2024, 12% of American Evangelical Protestants (23% of the population) were divorced or separated. In contrast, 9% of Atheists (5% of the population), 8% of Agnostics (6% of the population), and 11% of non-religious couples (19% of the population) were divorced or separated.
My concern is that while Christians have a different perception of marriage than secular groups, this doesn’t mean that they necessarily have a stronger, healthier perception. In my survey, I asked respondents if they believed it was socially acceptable for Christians to engage in lifelong singleness. An overwhelming majority (89.8%) said yes, while 8.5% said maybe and 1.7% said no. While the portion is small, I find it concerning that nearly 10% are viewing marriage as a possible requirement for Christians rather than a gift and a sacred covenant with God, and that lifelong singleness was not “socially acceptable.” Extended singleness and even lifelong singleness is a beautiful thing and in no way “breaking” any kind of covenant with God.
John Piper, founder of Desiring God, said in regard to singleness: “[God] is able to keep you chaste and fruitful and happily unmarried until you are 84…Find your joy in knowing Jesus and serving others. Marriage is not the greatest good. Faithfulness to Christ and his people around you is the greatest good.”
HAS MARRIAGE BECOME AN IDOL?
Do young Christians necessarily have a healthier image of marriage by default? I once heard someone at my church say, “At the end of the day, I just want a wife.” I’ve heard this from other Biolans as well. It’s a casual statement that implies that finding a partner is no different from buying a pair of shoes.
A culture of viewing marriage as a sacred covenant with God (which, it is, don’t get me wrong) may have morphed into a culture that views marriage as the pinnacle of their social lives and a passageway to social acceptance or even superiority.
That being said, there will never be a “perfect” marriage or a couple that is completely ready to tie the knot. So while there may be no single perfect age for everyone to get married, rushing or pushing a relationship to lifelong commitment for the sake of social gratification may put extra strain on oneself and their partner.
“From a biblical perspective, there is no mandate that says marriage must happen by a certain age or timeline,” said Grace. “The Bible prioritizes wisdom, maturity and a Christ-centered foundation over speed (Proverbs 19:2). We encourage students to focus on building strong, healthy relationships rather than chasing a timeline that culture — or even Christian culture — might impose.”
Christian college phenomena such as “ring by spring” encourage a strict timeline toward marriage over seeking these strong, healthy relationships described by Grace.
“[Ring by spring] convinces young, spiritually immature Christians that marriage is a necessity in their relationship with God, which couldn’t be farther from the truth,” said freshman Psychology major Janelle Yoon. “Making finding a husband or wife an idol defeats the purpose of the marriage covenant, which is to glorify God.”
We as Christians need to step back and assess whether we’ve made marriage and finding a partner an idol in our lives. A wife or husband is not an accessory, and being married isn’t a lifestyle; it’s also not as easy to undo as changing majors or careers. We need to work toward destigmatizing singleness or waiting patiently for the right partner to come along. No one will ever be the perfect partner, either, and personal growth can and will happen within a marital union. However, there is no shame in prioritizing cultivating oneself, including your financial independence, career goals and personal development to make yourself an optimal, long-term partner for someone. Prioritizing this does not mean you view marriage and union as secondary — it simply means you want to be the strongest version of yourself as you can possibly be before a lifelong commitment.
